A Fan's Playground

ficlet posted! bad vibes qijiu <3

I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take

Fandom: SVSSS
Focus: qijiu
Setting: PIDW mid-canon
Length: 248 words

Themes:

orgasm denial, masturbation, sex crying, qijiu being qijiu

Summary:

Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan are both long familiar with denial.

(also on ao3: archiveofourown.org/works/64737805)

Number of words written

37,632 words in published works

Number of works published

I published 13 works! a total of 10 fics, plus one each of podfic, zine, and ao3 site skin.

Fandoms you wrote for

Surprising nobody:

• The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System


• Heaven Official’s Blessing


• The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Work you are most proud of regardless of kudos/hits

Most proud.....I think that would be Habitat, Behaviour. Writing explicit sex is still relatively new for me and that is the fic with absolutely the most sexual content in it, and I'm really proud of how I managed to integrate it into the fic! 

(It also does happen to be the fic with the most hits/kudos, but I decided which work I am most proud of before checking that, lol.)

( Read more... )

Fewer recs than usual this month, but these are all good ones!

2 SVSSS fic recs

the multiverse is not a kind theory, by nyoomerr

➤ reverse transmigration svsss fic! original luo binghe has been searching universes for a shen yuan who can be HIS, when the other shen yuans he's found have all immediately died and transmigrated to love a different luo binghe.

➤ he's found one! and now luo binghe doesn't want anything to take his shen yuan away!!!!! then shen yuan gets a cold. luo binghe worries.

➤ so cute and so them! <3

➤ I love all the ways these two have come to know each other and love each other in all their realness. how ridiculous they are about each other! how mad binghe is about all the dangers and unpleasantness of the modern world (because it might injure his shen yuan!!!)

➤ you've fucked up a perfectly good protagonist. look at him. he's got anxiety~

➤ 5k words


Chapter 742: Unleash the Holy Globes of Justice!! by Margo_Kim

➤ svsss fic featuring another transmigrator coming to qing jing during the pre-abyss era, to talk to sqq about how to derail the plot

➤ I love her perspective on the whole experience! and how baffling sqq finds her desires and priorities

➤ the whole fic is very funny!

➤ 6k words

2 short story/novelette recs

Look at the Moon, by Dominique Dickey

➤ an sff novelette about family dynamics, religion, queerness, trauma, and the beauty of the night sky

➤ it's a horrifying story even as it's also beautiful, exploring its ideas in ways that leave me not quite sure what to think about any of it, but in a way that's clearly done with purpose and care

➤ content note for explicit child murder. I am serious about the horrifying aspects of the story! but if it's something you feel able to read, it's definitely worth it imo

➤ 9k words in length


The Golden Tooth: A Solo Show by Orion Cabrera, by William Alexander

➤ an sff short story written as the script for an experimental theatre piece

➤ I love the conceit of the piece, and seeing as it unfolded more and more just where it's going with everything

➤ about the mythologising of history, the "discovery" of the americas by columbus, the power of theatre, and ghosts

➤ perhaps a bit blunt in its themes in the end but I had a lot of fun anyway!

➤ 6k words in length

one

whenever I work on a sewing project that involves a lot of piecing scraps of fabric together in order to achieve the necessary size/shape of pattern pieces, I think to myself "piecing is period" thanks to bernadette banner. even though nothing I'm making is particularly period!


two

kinglets might be a load-bearing portion of my mental health rn and you know, I'm so valid for that. they're such perfect birbs


three

recently I was listening to a library & archives canada podcast episode about a collection of hebraica and judaica, and the collection manager was talking about a particular volume that was written out by hand by a non-expert in the 18th century, in the context of a village that didn't have access to a printing press

and the collection manager said he can't imagine what it would be like to want a book so much that you would take the time to write out the whole thing by hand in the evenings after your full day of work

and meanwhile I was like. when you were describing this book, my first reaction was that I want to try writing out a whole book by hand!! it sounds fun! and I don't even have the context of that being my only way to be able to have that book!


four

it's funny being in fandoms (danmei!) where the canon is horny enough that I actually do not read most of my blorbos as asexual. I have spent most of my fannish life casually accidentally assuming everyone's ace because there's no canon to explicitly contradict it. sure they love each other, but sex?? why would they want that?

but now. like. the sexual attraction and interest is right there on the page! in detail! so obviously it makes sense to write fic about it. even if, the whole time, I seem to have internalised it as merely one of the weird quirks of these particular characters, lol

(It just seems so fake to me that most people are allosexual!)


five

I need to learn not to gasp in delight and whisper "oh! hi there, friend!!!" when I see a cool bird near me that I wasn't expecting lol. birds tend not to like that!


six

thinking this morning about an SVSSS fic I wrote where a background character is wearing yellow....evidence that PIDW is set prior to the Tang era and the development of sumptuary laws proscribing the wearing of yellow for commoners? or evidence that airplane wasn't thinking very hard about sumptuary laws when he was writing? (or both? :P)

➤ the fic I wrote forever ago for the svsss extras zine is HERE and POSTED ONLINE!

➤ the extra I wrote this fic in response to is the "100 Random Questions on Luo-Shen’s Affinity" extra

➤ ft. bingqiu being weirdo4weirdo as they experiment sexually

➤ and are both very committed to the other's happiness <3

➤ I love this fic and I think it's one of the best ones I've written of late, and I hope you enjoy it too!

Habitat, Behaviour (4519 words) by sophia_sol


Fandom: 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù


Rating: Explicit


Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings


Relationships: Luo Binghe/Shen Yuan | Shen Qingqiu


Characters: Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan | Shen Qingqiu


Additional Tags: Luo Binghe cries a lot and Shen Qingqiu is into it, bad sex and mediocre sex and actually good sex, Sexual Experimentation, weirdo4weirdo, it's a very sweet fic about how much they care about each other despite their communication problems, ....and also there's SO much sex


Summary:

Luo Binghe wants to know first-hand how much he's hurting Shen Qingqiu whenever they fuck. Shen Qingqiu wants to never hurt Luo Binghe again. They figure things out.

I don't know what songs "work" "together" this is just a bunch of songs I personally like that worked for the story I was trying to tell about bing-ge. does it sound good played one after the other? it does to me!


Bing-ge playlist on spotify


1. Work This Body - Walk The Moon

It was a strange place and a tender age, I was just a babe in school
Saw them roll their eyes at me every time that I thought that I was cool
Well, God knows I was no chosen one, that just wasn't my plan
Yeah, it's just a matter of time, honey, it's just a matter of time

It's just a matter of time!!! baby binghe on qing jing peak is gonna SHOW EVERYONE what he can do, just you wait!!!

2. You And I - The Duhks

And when you fall
Don't look for me to blame
You hold the key
For the higher you think of me
Then the better your world will be

teen luo binghe is bitter and angry at all his mistreatment and he IS planning the fall of everyone who hates him. how else is he going to make it through the misery?

3. When the Chips Are Down - Anaïs Mitchell

And the first shall be first
And the last shall be last
Cast your eyes to heaven
You get a knife in the back
Nobody's righteous
Nobody's proud
Nobody's innocent
Now that the chips are down

luo binghe and og sqq in that final moment of betrayal

4. Long Way Away (Intro) - clipping.

I'll follow the stars when the sun goes to bed
'Til everything I've ever known is long dead
I can't go back home 'cause I want to be free
Someone tell the others what's become of me

falling into the abyss

5. Bahnhof Rumble - The Chemical Brothers

[insert intense techno beats]

ABYSS MONTAGE

6. Teeth - Lady Gaga

Got no direction (No direction; I need direction)
Just got my vamp (Got my vamp; uh-uh)
Take a bite of my bad girl meat (Bad girl meat; oh, take a bite of me, boy)
Show me your teeth (The truth is sexy)

luo binghe is here, he's out, he's ready to take over, he just wants to FEEL something, maybe the next girl --

7. Love Me Tonight - Great Big Sea

Are you on my side
My dark and lonely side
I'll make it worth your while
I'll give you every reason why

his rise is meteoric and if you know what's good for you, you'll support him

8. You're Not In On The Joke - Cobra Starship

I only show you what I want you to see
I got my t-t-t-tongue in my cheek

luo binghe's in control of his image as emperor. it's on purpose. it IS. there's definitely no other side of him he wishes people could actually see!

9. Princes of the Universe - Queen

I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings (yeah, yeah)
I have no rival, no man can be my equal
Take me to the future of your world

wait how long is this status quo going to last. he's been doing this forever. it's not fulfilling. why isn't it fulfilling. what else can he do? what else is there? is he going to have to keep going forever?

10. Look Into the Mirror - Johnny Clegg & Juluka

Ah - when I see your face
(Look into the mirror) - I remember
Ah - I feel afraid
(Look into the mirror) - can you remember
Yela - wolala - hum wo siti yelele hala
I see you
I know the other you

hahaha meet bing-mei and SUFFER <3

I recently did a little game on fedi where people could ask me about any of my fics (or a chapter/paragraph/line of one of my fics) and I'd post a mini dvd commentary on them. I'm crossposting them here! If you want some comments on any of my other fics, btw, feel free to ask :) my fics are here!

1. the ling wen & pei ming scene from "free to be the greatest"

so this section was begun out of a desire to see if it would fit this fic to work in anything about ling wen nonsexually domming pei ming. because I think they both deserve this, plus it's a notion that always brings joy to consider. So I stuck them in a room together to try playing them off each other to see what might develop.

Then I wanted to show the kind of casual intimacy the two of them have in their friendship, because it's clear from canon that the three tumours are very close to each other. But at the same time they don't talk nicely to each other, even as they do see each other and support each other, so I wanted to include that kind of dynamic, a friendship that isn't outwardly pleasant but that is a vital part of their lives.

I also enjoyed drawing a contrast between the two characters, because they're not people who seem to have a great deal in common, despite their closeness, but at the same time highlighting what IS similar, their interest in power and control. Drawing attention to the power and control aspects of their characters is interesting in itself, in the context of a fic about Ling Wen maneuvering to become the next heavenly emperor, but it's also something I was playing with because I wanted to go for that nonsexual domming aspect.

But unfortunately it didn't end up fitting what the scene needed, so I ended it with just the promise of some kind of potential there that Ling Wen could take control over Pei Ming in the future if she wanted to.

2. "precious treasure"

helpfully, this is a fic that postdates my discovery of how to keep notes for myself as I write a fic, so I have info to refer back to in terms of what I was thinking!

so this is an exchange fic, and it was written for a recipient who expressed interest in a variety of things I wanted to try to work in:moshangbingqiu or shangbingqiu; outside pov; leaning into characters' demonic traits; communication challenges; fight scenes; blood.

So I was immediately like: mbj as an outside pov on shangbingqiu would be SO fun!!! and would allow me to play with the demonic traits and the incomprehensibility across cultural lines. I decided that my angle would be that mbj&sqh a vital relationship in mbj's life but he does Not Understand the appeal of of dating bingqiu. but he wants sqh happy and fulfilled. so he's going to make sure it happens for sqh.

and then I figured that to get fight scenes in, I should make up someantagonists, so obviously I needed to make up a non-human demonic species, so obviously because I'm me they had to be birds, so obviously I had to go do a bunch of research on birds in china.

As I wrote, I figured out more of what I was doing with the various relationships and the themes and stuff, and discovered that I really needed to have mbj fight lbh directly, so then that became something to work towards. As well, my recipient expressed that they particularly wanted to see the development of the sqh/lbh part of the relationship, so I really wanted to make that happen, so I worked hard on sprinkling in some of sqh's thoughts on lbh throughout, in order to lead up to sqh feeling up to actually approaching him in the end.

The way I conceptualized the sqh/lbh relationship, and what would allow it to move to something closer, is that sqh needed to be able to complain at lbh without being nervous of how he'll respond, and lbh needed to feel like he could be fussed over in a caretaking way by sqh. So that's what I was really aiming for with that side of things in the fic.

the mbj relationship with sqh came easily to me, as did mbj's pov in general. the idea I went with for my take on mbj is that he's very blunt inside his own head, and knows exactly what he thinks about things, but doesn't feel the need to say anything aloud very much at all. he'll just take action (or not) based on what he knows about himself instead. he's not an agonized soul-searching kind of guy.

and given that I was writing an mbj who's 100% team sqh, I wanted to lean into an sqh who's an obnoxious asshole as well as competent at his job, to allow mbj to admire all sides of him. mbj LIKES sqh's particular flavour of obnoxiousness! it's all part of the dream package.

I also was careful throughout my writing of the fic to try to keep my prose free of idioms that wouldn't make sense contextually for mbj to think in -- and to add as many winter-themed ways of thinking as I could, just for fun.

the thing that surprised me the most in the writing of mbj's pov was how much mbj was like....sexually into fighting lbh. it became very clear to me early in that fight scene that mbj found the whole thing a turn-on, and I was just like, lol, ok, good thing the recip is ALSO fine with moshangbingqiu because mbj IS getting himself involved in some way!!! and then I leaned further into the mbj/lbh attraction. bc like. it's great.

3. "practicum and applied theory"

so the basic premise of course came from the fic I was remixing, which was Antaresia's ficlet from sqq's pov about discovering himself to be a ghost haunting lbh in the abyss. I was like, that's SUCH a fun idea, I want to explore that, I want to see what it might do to bingqiu's relationship as it continues! and I also decided to swap to lbh's pov because as the character who knows the least of what's going on, it's an interesting perspective to explore. and then I made them both trans because WHY NOT :D

this is the fic where I discovered that keeping notes on a wip fic in a separate document is a useful habit to cultivate. I needed to organize in my head what the structure of the fic was, when I was partway into writing it, so that I could know what I needed to write next. and writing that down helped me see it. In the abyss/in a dream with shizun/in the abyss/in a dream with shizun. and then an interlude of frantically reaching out for connection to shizun but not succeeding! before returning to the pattern of in the abyss/in a dream with shizun.

fairly early into writing the fic, I realized that the right thematic ending for the piece would be to bring up again whether shizun accepts binghe’s demon identity. and as I worked through my writing, I discovered that bingqiu's transness could actually be thematically linked to it - sqq accepting lbh's gender identity so comfortably and easily, and yet seeming to struggle so much with lbh's demonic identity. both are important parts of who lbh is! what was different about it to shizun?! but I kept a light hand on this because I didn't want to turn the transness into a metaphor. you get me.

another important thing to me in writing this fic was that I wanted to let lbh marinate in her feelings of anger and betrayal. sqq pushing her into the abyss is a fresh pain for her and she's NOT ready to just forgive and forget, even as she still desperately loves her shizun and craves her approval, and that's going to come out in a variety of ways.

the fic doesn't go anywhere explicitly sexual (except a few hints within lbh's longing thoughts) because this is before lbh's abyss glow-up, and sqq is still very much seeing lbh as her little bun. (don't worry, sqq will get to have an OH NO SHE'S HOT moment about lbh later on, post-fic!) but it was still important to me that the young and uncertain freshly abyssed lbh has sexual thoughts about her shizun as one of the many dimensions on which she's obsessed with her.

I wrote this fic at about the time when I was discovering how light-sensitive I am, and I thought it would be fun to make the abyss a place where the light is a glaring, threatening, unpleasant presence, in contrast with how darkness is more traditionally associated with abysses. So the abyss sections are all bright bright bright wide open, and the dream sections are dark, candle-lit, cozy vibes in comparison.

and finally, the beetle demons are because my initial instinct was bird demons (...of course) but I had already had sqq lecturing lbh about dangerous birds of the abyss so I figured I'd better mix things up. and I will always err in the direction of non-mammals when given the opportunity, is something I've learned about myself. so beetles came to me, and then I simply thought it would be fun to make them a highly cooperative, eusocial species. so I did!

in general, I think, one of the things the fic is about is muddling through when so many things are unsaid. even though in the end an amazing amount is said, there's still a lot that they just cannot manage to talk to each other about! I love how even when communication is a challenge, they love each other enough (are obsessed with each other enough) to keep on moving forward together.

(and then the beetle demons with perfect beetle-to-beetle communication and teamwork are a contrast to bingqiu!)

one

I love the kind of friend who feels comfortable being like, "we have hangouts scheduled tonight and I really need to clean my kitchen, want to come keep me company while I do that?" yes! I will absolutely come do that!

two

me like: how many ling wen relationships can I nominate for danmei fanworks exchange.

(answer: ling wen sweep! ALL my noms are ling wen related!)

three

I've decided to change all my bookmarking tags in my linkding to use words as prefixes for type of tag, instead of using symbols like I've done for the last decade or so

the way that linkding displays tags with the hash in front makes it just that extra bit too busy for me to be able to parse the symbols at a glance

and also unlike pinboard, it doesn't alphabetize tags on your bookmark, but displays them in the order you added them. so I can't expect where in the list of tags a particular type of tag will fall on a bookmark, because all my old bookmarks have tags that I added in a variety of haphazard orders, because at the time it didn't matter.

this change is doable! there's a very robust bulk editor system in linkding, which I love! but it will take time to get all my old tags changed, and time to get used to using the new ones. When I'm creating new bookmarks I really do just think in my symbols these days

it is interesting how much one's cataloguing choices are dependent on the infrastructure you use. I had to make changes to how I used tags when I first went to pinboard too!

four

biggest takeaway from mdzs book club this week: autistic nie bros. especially nmj. canon autism right here is all I'm saying:

Women, liquor, riches—[Nie Mingjue] touched none; art, calligraphy, antiques—a pile of ink and mud; the finest green tea leaves and dregs from a roadside booth—there was no difference. Meng Yao tried everything he could think of yet still couldn’t find if he was interested in anything beside training his saberwork and killing Wen-dogs. He really was a wall made of iron, impenetrable by even the sharpest blades.

nmj doesn't need a hobby, he already has one! and that's all he needs. <3

(meanwhile jgy needs a better hobby. like getting overly invested in the interpersonal drama of a historical reenactment club along the lines of the sca. you just KNOW he would get involved in sca politics in a big way! a safe outlet for him, though I apologize to everyone in his canton/barony/shire/whatever his local group is. and also his kingdom.)

five

SCUM VILLAIN EXTRAS ZINE TIME!!! IT'S REAL.

Preorders are up on tshirt's bigcartel shop!

my contribution towards this zine is a 4.6k word fic about the svsss questions extra, featuring sqq and lbh experimenting sexually. I think it's a really good fic! and I cannot wait to see the rest of the zine!

once the zine is fully out, I will be posting my fic to ao3, so if for whatever reason you aren't able to get the zine, you'll still get to read my fic eventually :)